This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 9, 2021
when someone tickles you pic.twitter.com/pRw2kTAcx0— Amy (@amyis_trying) July 2, 2021
boss baby is streaming now pic.twitter.com/kJPER0IhcZ— audrey bowler (@aud_bowler) July 2, 2021
Memento (2000) pic.twitter.com/SK80W6Gxlm— Eric Cunningham (@EricCunningham) July 3, 2021
Not in 1 million years will you correctly guess what this reply is in response to. https://t.co/L5yF2aYLI4— Catestrophe (@Cate__Johnson) July 2, 2021
Finally pic.twitter.com/6d2orAyZS3— 𝑫𝑶𝑹𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑨 𝑷𝑨𝑨𝑺 (@ddoorroo) July 2, 2021
Half the trees in Canada just got lit on fire by a global warming-induced heatstorm and hardly anybody is talking about it because an oil company set the ocean on fire and the only person who got in trouble for lighting up is Sha'Carri Richardson?— Richard Barney Gimmick Account (@rkbarney) July 3, 2021
daily marijuana user pic.twitter.com/EkCY5JSPqy— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) July 3, 2021
I relate to CBD because I too am expensive and don't do anything— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) July 4, 2021
big news for annoying people! https://t.co/RkJRUS0SSR— stevie (@abbafag) July 3, 2021
jury duty is a wild concept. whenever the government wants, they can just be like "call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder 🥰 here's fifteen dollars."— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) July 3, 2021
Whoa. I guess one dude quit: pic.twitter.com/zl23f5RNo4— JustynTyme (@JustynTyme_) July 5, 2021
Bezo is stepping aside at Amazon, who will give detailed comedy notes on our kith series?— Bruce McCulloch (@BrucioMcCulloch) July 4, 2021
"How come Americans write the month first?"— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) July 4, 2021
"That's how you say it, month first"
"What's the date today?"
"It's the fourth of July"
Can't believe they made a covid firework pic.twitter.com/PfHMsCsl0a— Pete Stegemeyer (@itspeterj) July 5, 2021
Fireworks must've been buy 1 get 100,000 free this year because ain't no way— Leo 🦅 (@hoeglizzy) July 5, 2021
Fireworks are meant to exist briefly and disappear. When you post a picture of a firework you are undermining the artist's ephemeral vision (1/85)— Vinny Thomas ¡ (@vinn_ayy) July 5, 2021
Once I was in the spa in a hotel in Vegas getting a massage. When I finished I turned over and to my shock Paul Rudd was massaging me. He saw me go in and convinced the masseuse to let him take over, thinking I'd notice immediately. I didn't, and Paul did the entire rest of it.— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) July 5, 2021
The Onion 10 years ago, and AP today— PanickedJanet (@SIGSYS) July 6, 2021
Ten. Fucking. Years. pic.twitter.com/ykEkrRXUbs
boutta send this cashier to the shadow realm pic.twitter.com/ZHcwQMfA86— Dr. Nicolette, Himbologist ⋆ (@nicoletters) July 5, 2021
Shawarma Playmobil (real) pic.twitter.com/00EEEBu62q— LeRoi, HSDIP-AP (High School Diploma w AP credits) (@RoiRoiDame) July 6, 2021
"a fast paced environment" means the job is actually 3-5 jobs— Amy (@amyis_trying) July 6, 2021
walking into my bedroom like fuck who closed last night— ✩‧₊*• paige •*₊‧✩ (@peachhpunchh) July 6, 2021
Nothing revs me up quicker than a friend texting "can I be a bitch for a second"— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) July 6, 2021
What's the dumbest beliefs you had as a child?— _grimm (@ExileGrimm) July 6, 2021
When I was 4-5 I swore that bird seeds grew birds, thus the name. When my parents asked me to prove it to them, I planted a pile of bird seeds.
The next day there were loads of birds where I planted the seeds, showing I was right.
AD AGENCY: What if our campaign was a fun riff on the idea of ejaculating semen?— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) July 6, 2021
CLIENT: I love it! pic.twitter.com/tgcIEnsT6e
there should be a post-pandemic full service doctor where you just lie down for a three hour appointment and five people swarm around and fix you like a race car— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) July 8, 2021
the airport boldly asks "what if the worst sandwich you'd ever had was $16.95"— rachel (@rchlmars) July 7, 2021
Employers: We can't find anyone to work for us🥺— Brittany Van Horne (@_brittanyv) July 7, 2021
Americans: Will you pay us more?
Employers: No! Also, write us a custom letter about why working for us would be your life's passion hehe:)
asked my dad who he's rooting for and he responded "everything bad that's ever happened in this world is because of england" without looking up— dayana (@dsarkisova) July 7, 2021
[me getting in the back of an ambulance] hi, for isabel?— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) July 8, 2021
Are you mad at the world or are you just dehydrated? A documentary.— Dena Jackson (@Denatalks) July 8, 2021
Breaking Bass https://t.co/4mSjVy8ELg— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) July 8, 2021